Rising Up

The last couple days have actually gone by pretty smoothly. I have not felt overly depressed, and have even experienced some artistic and spiritual energy and inspiration. I love this feeling and will keep and strive for it always. I have been further exploring the trance state and as of now I am still very much a beginner, but I have begun to see the trance state as an extention of the state I am experiencing during deep meditation. To some these states may be defined as synonomous. However, something in my gut tells me that a true trance state is the next step in my meditation and though I may not be able to achieve or even percieve what or how, I know that my deep desire and persistance will soon pay off.

I have been reading Awaken to One and have stumbled upon a series he wrote about Understanding Belief. I was immedietly drawn to read the whole series, but near the conclusion of the first segment, I decided to dwell and meditate on his message. What I have taken from this is a new mantra that I will begin to explore in my meditation, "I accept the perfect manifestation of my art, with the perfect outlet, in the perfect way."

Stumbling but getting through

I wish I was inspired as I used to be and I know it will return. Now, however, I am going through a rough spot that it taking all of my energy to get through. Dealing with mood swings by the hour and minute even with my wonderful bi-polar medication is difficult, but the good times are as good as the bad times bad. I understand and feel blessed to be in this place in my life and to be with people who love me and support me through everything. To be able to learn these important lessons (most of which are still unclear to me) is wonderful and beautiful, regardless of the fact that it is quite hard to live through. All of your prayers are wonderful, and thank you!

Continuing in Boston

Good evening. I haven't posted in a while for various reasons. I really feel I need to be in the mood to write with any kind of clarity and I must stay that clarity is something I am striving to achieve. It has been almost 4 weeks since I up and left Virginia to start this new chapter in my life and I am enjoying it. It presents me with new challenges and new opportunities for success, at least on a personal level, that I would be completely oblivious of if I had stayed in the hell-hole that Virginia had become for me.

Today has been quite strange. I have been quite ill the past few days with what seems like a tough cold. However, with the new skills and new job I forced myself to work yesterday and today. The last thing I want to do is start skipping out on my responsibilities again. Work was fine, and I have plenty of reading material to accompany me through the various hours of the day and night. However, I miss the social joy that always brought me so much peace. I understand, however, that this time in my life needs to be devoted to my own self-growth and to do that I need to focus on ME.

Meditation has been difficult for me these past weeks since my mind is such a spinning mess, but I was able to effectively balance my chakras and meditate for about 12 minutes. I know this is almost no time and before I left Virginia I had been able to go 1 1/2 hours (still short, but I'm still beginning my journey of meditiation). I should be getting my ADHD meds soon though, so this will help.

I don't know if I said anything helpful in this blog, but it was nice to get some of this off my chest.

Love!

Dear readers, those who may happen upon my random blog,
I am in the process, regardless of the obvious fact that it is almost 3 in the morning, reading, no, rather devouring Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. A book which I always meant to read. Frankenstein was actually on my list of books to read. A couple of years ago I became fascinated with the origins of the famous fictional monsters of history. Bram Stoker's Dracula was my first endevour, and having an above average reading level, and the intense love and desire to read difficult literature, I loved every second of it. The differences that society, and especially cinema, have changed these monsters (whether making them "scarier" [usually by taking away the humanity so devoted in the originals] or humbling them to leave out some of the more gruesome details) entranced me and quickly moved to Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I must note here that my criticism of the media is not to be taken too greatly as I must admit I avidly enjoyed the 1992 film "Bram Stoker's Dracula" especially for it's attention to detail to the original novel (a lack of attention to movies inpsired by books being one of my worst pet peeves). I mostly refer to the popular depictions of said monsters. However, I babble. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was close to the most exciting work of fiction for such a short narrative (with Of Mice and Men coming in close second). However, soon after my finishing the latter novel, I became entranced with some other humor of the arts and nearly forgot my former passion.
While at Borders, I was unsuccessful in aquiring a book which fancied my current taste (which ranged from Zorro by Isabel Allende to Secrets in the Shadows by VC Andrews). However, as if by fate, I discovered a copy of Frankenstein lying on one of the "School Books" displays (my most avid source of classics) and immedietly was drawn to buy it. It had sat in my room awaiting my attention for almost a week when, while frustrated at my slowness in reading legitamite Spanish literature (in Spanish), I opened Mary Shelley's classic.
I am merely on Chapter 2 and I am already filled with such enthusiasm and pure splendor that I immediately had to reflect on my feelings,the history of one of the periods of my literary life an aftermath of excitement which I find fills my blogs regularly. However, all of this is mostly to express my own excitement as well as to excite the mind of any who care to listen and who may have a love of literature similar to my own.

After all of that, I am excited also to say that in a strange lull of today's enlightened state, I have written a poem. The seeming dark tone of the poem is one that, although not so revealed so far in this blog, is commonplace in most of my poetry. I wish to express to the audience of my poetry that my deepest wish is to distance myself from the terrible description of "angst". Depressing imagery or content to me is simply a mould through which my current mindset must sculpt my art. I believe, however, that with close inspection to this poem in specific, the overall tone becomes one of hope, not despair.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I am afraid to think.
Even now the looming ghostly shadows
of my mind prepare their assault.

To sleep, oh to sleep I must wrap my thoughts
(kindly at first, then insistant)
some desperate
some adventitious

And send them in a balloon

Till they reach those beautiful
edges of sight, sound, and attention
(that percieved humble abode of the Archangel Lucifer
O morning star, son of the dawn!)
which some nights yeild to bountiful dreams.

And in a dream the curtain of sanity may be lifted,
nay, must be lifted,
and the infinite expanse of the imagination,
symbolic, profound, and yet deeply confusing,

alights and sparks the unity and wholeness
fallen from heaven.
O Wisdom of my heart,
seek not death in the error of your life

I pray but this:
Let my life be a dream.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Note: This poem is brand new and even in the transcribing of the text went through various editing.

Radiatore

Hello everyone. Forgive my lack of writing but as we all know, many things occur in this life which challenge us in one extreme or another. The past couple weeks have been a mess, basically, and I have been attempting to use all of my coping skills to deal with the things that have happened. I am not so arrogant as to say that I have the answers, for no matter how much we think we are spiritually ready for the trails and tribulations of this world, until you are in the middle of them, you have no idea. I have to say that I was not ready, though all of my work was not wasted for each time I am able to pull myself up (no matter how long it takes). I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason and that God, while giving us complete free will, presents opportunities to grow and learn. Every emotion and event on the "evil" or "bad" side of the emotional spectrum is also an opportunity to grow, even more so than the "good" I believe. It doesn't seem like it in the heat of the moment, but I believe even the horrible things on this Earth are a gift to make us stand up and do something! My blog is very scatterbrained today so forgive me, my mind is very scatterbrained at the moment. I had two very interesting dreams just now during my treasured after church nap. One was some strange events with a man I have feelings for and the other with a quite insane party with my roommate. I kept asking her for more and more candy (not drugs, though they may have been part of it, but literally candy like Skittles). Interesting... I must dwell on this a bit before I can offer myself interpretation.

The title of this post is the title of the piece I'm currently listening to by Ellen Band. It's very modern, and I'm glad I turned it on, because I haven't listened to anything truly modern in quite a few months. I would only reccommend it to those who truly enjoy avant-garde and post-avant-garde music.

Have a wonderful and peaceful day and week. Please accept the gift of my love which I share openly and freely!

-Brian Minnick

PS: Interesting... Despite my own lack of posting in a while, most of the blogs I follow have also yet to post, and if they have, they have done so in the same manner I have. That is, explaining the experience of deep change which is hindering writing (not a bad thing, just interesting). There is something really intense happening on Earth right now. I'm trying to be excited, but I also have a deep sense of uncertainty. Please, I beg you, help one another NOW! We are all going through some tough times and need each other. We are all ONE!

Insomnia

Well here I am, 3:16 in the morning and I'm still wide awake staring at the infinity of this computer screen. I have heard that the light of the computer screen actually keeps you awake. While I believe that this is possible, and probably true, I would much rather be "productive" ("" because I'm usually just refreshing my Twitter or reading articles, lol) than lying in bed with my eyes closed for 2 hours. I've taken my insomnia meds but all they are doing is making me yawn.

Oh well, I've lived with insomnia all my life. The night has become a second home. It is so beautifully different than the daytime. It is so mysterious and so creative. The energy of the moon is so different than that of the sun. I tend to prefer it, if only because is pours creative energy, healing, and mysterious wonder. I just love it.

My new found center has been tested to the extreme these past few weeks and I have to say, as I am only human, I have let the world and its crazy circumstances get to me. However, after some time I am able to find my center again and feel the warmth of the Eternal Breath.

At School

Good afternoon! I'm at school (George Mason University), and I have some free time so I decided to come on here and blog a little bit to pass the time. The past couple weeks have been difficult, with the new added stress of school, but I feel that my mood swings are getting less and less intense, and easier to control. Luckily, a steady regimen of meditating and spiritual work have helped me achieve a more balanced psyche and body. I had an intense meditation last night dealing with the Sufi mantra Al-Matin, commonly translated a patience. Of course this term is much more complicated, but patience is the large picture that I received. When I was in my meditative state, I allowed the troubles and wandering thoughts of my mind (usually held at bay to achieve clear-headedness) to speak one by one. All of a sudden all of my doubts and woes came through. Luckily, I was able to take each in turn and breath Al-Matin slowly and clearly so that patience would be learned and understood. I actually became emotional during this time (more of a revelatory emotional outburst than one of sadness). When I was finished I felt so light and wonderful. I believe that I now must add time in my meditation to not only reach my calm center, but then to take advantage of it to gain wisdom.

Thanks to HenkTerHeide on Twitter, I have found a new artist who absolutely blew my socks off. These futuristic fantasy paintings will truly make you think. Please don't miss out on experiencing this wonderful artist. His name is Jacek Yerka and I believe this link will most easily get you there. Please let me know what you think!

Have a wonderful and peaceful day!