As life continues...

I am happy to say that my time spent in Austin so far has been quite productive. I'm still a poor struggling artist, but I don't think you can be a true artist unless you start poor and struggling ;-). I have decided, therefore, to begin writing more often. I want to start portraying the mirror of the world through my own "rose-colored glasses."

I have begun a project writing haiku. Here are a few:

Manic night, breathe in
Colorful plumes ascending
From my cigarette.
____

Looming blimp of dreams,
When will you descend on me?
Sleep recoils, then flees.
____

Trust this fairytale:
A bloodied shoe does not fit
And princesses fade.


I have been writing these like mad and hope to make them a permanent form I can use in my poetry.

Here are some amazing albums I have been listening to:

Ke$ha's new album Animal is wonderfully dirty pop. There is a sense of "I know what I'm doing is wrong, but right now it doesn't matter." The hooks are instantly catchy and the beats are edgy while still being perfect in a club.

David Guetta's new album One Love is a monument in describing the sentiments so many people are feeling in these unstable days. His dark and gritty beats sound like bruises on the soul of the lyrics which are a welcome juxtaposition. The lyrics, in general, have an overarching sense of internal strength and hope that a lot of lyrics these days portray. They have a heartening but simultaneously an almost angry edge. Guetta's history as a DJ lead to some serious House influence which sometimes becomes tedious, though the minimalistic atmosphere it creates is nice enough.

Mike Posner is a new hip hop artist who has two fantastic mixtapes out. They used to be free on iTunes though I believe that has changed. The beats are well done and catchy while the lyrics are entertaining and some quite humorous. Some gems include a cover of Beyonce's Halo which is classic and Smoke and Drive. A must listen and an artist I will be anxiously awaiting a first album.


I love my wide range of passions and want to show that here. So moving before finishing up I want to list a couple of the books I have recently read and fell in love with.

Sum by David Eagleman is a book of very short stories dealing with different possibilities for the afterlife. Engaging, and ranging from depressing to hilarious, these stories are a very good read.

Book of my Nights by Li-Young Lee is, in my opinion, one of the most prolific poets of the 21st century. His poetry speaks to the mind of the insomniac as well as everyone who has ever questioned existence. His rapidly changing imagery requires slow study but creates such depth and beauty. Please read this poet.

Thats all for today. Thank you all and God Bless!

Religion v. Spirituality

Well, I just spent the past half hour composing only to lose it all when Finale decided to go crazy and close. When will I learn to save?! Oh well...

I have been reading a bit lately, and it seems that questions that have been coming to my mind lately have also been coming to the mind of many others. They are, are religion and spirituality the same thing? If not, is one part of the other? If so, why the distinction? There are many others that come to mind, but these are sufficient to begin discussion.

I believe that Religion and Spirituality are different, but for many people (such as myself) they are so intertwined that they become almost synonymous. According to Jay Michaelson, Aurora Mendelsohn and Alan Krinsky in an article entitled "Religion is actually Spirituality," they argue mostly the opposite point. However, they make an important generalization on religion (in this case Judaism), "Judaism has historically been more interested in deeds, not thoughts, creeds or specific mind-states." Since spirituality is the search for a mindset (according to these authors), and religion is about deeds, there is no way the two could be one and the same.

While I believe that these last points are quite large generalizations, they still serve to show some distinction in these terms that have plagued so-called "New Age" spirituality. Keep in mind, I understand the bad reputation religion gets, some deserved and much not deserved, and I know that this can color our outlook. However, keep a clear mind. I will try now, through my own experiences, to show how religion and spirituality can be intertwined in a life and still serve both "purposes."

I was "raised" Methodist in Northern Austin, Texas. I use quotes because my parents were never really serious about it. It was more that society says children should go to church. I see that. Regardless of belief, children learn many ethical and cooperation lessons while in Sunday School situations. In this way I believe I was able to solidify the "deeds" portion religion is supposed to be based on. However, slowly but surely my parents, void of any Christian belief, regressed away from church and took my sister and I with them. It was not until Junior year of High School that I joined the Southern Baptist Church.

I know what people say about the Baptist Church and a lot of it is very true. The fire and brimstone sermons are a little much, and the music is a little cheesy, but the deeply rooted, internal connection with God that they taught is something I would never give up. There is a greater sense of connection with community and God when the congregation is more involved with the service. Since then I have been working in various Episcopal Churches and have loved it. The liturgy of the Episcopal Church is so beautiful and intense that I immediately fell for it. This and the teachings of acceptance and community led me to lead a better life and have legitimate hope for humanity.

However, it was about this time I began to explore other religions, faiths, and paths to God. It was in this search that I came upon such things as chakra healing, meditation and its infinite techniques, introductions to The Qur'an and the Vedas (I will at some point go into my feelings on the sacred texts). Through this, I have crafted and sculpted my own path to the Divine which everyday grows and matures.

What all this is an attempt to say is, religion, for me, was the gateway into the soul of spirituality. It was through religion that I was able to discover my own true path for God. I am in no way insinuating that everyone's path to God need lie through religion, but that for many it must (no matter what that religion is).

In conclusion, yes, religion and spirituality are different things, and they mean different things for everyone. However, I believe that the battle between which is "right" is pointless. They are simply two paths to the same Source.

God Bless!

Moving to Austin

Hello. I haven't written in a long while. I haven't found the time, energy, or material to make a blog post worth it. Well, regardless I need to start writing more. I believe that it is important not only to have a personal journal but also to have a public archive of writing. Something about the fact that, regardless if anyone does or not, somebody COULD read it. This changes the way we write and the content. It's important to see this difference and then use it to explore your Self.

I'm moving back to Austin, Texas a week from today and I am quite excited. I'm going to be helping my mother start her own blog where she wants to post her poetry. From what I have read, she is quite remarkable! However, she writes exclusively in Spanish. Maybe someday I will translate them and share them with the world...

Rising Up

The last couple days have actually gone by pretty smoothly. I have not felt overly depressed, and have even experienced some artistic and spiritual energy and inspiration. I love this feeling and will keep and strive for it always. I have been further exploring the trance state and as of now I am still very much a beginner, but I have begun to see the trance state as an extention of the state I am experiencing during deep meditation. To some these states may be defined as synonomous. However, something in my gut tells me that a true trance state is the next step in my meditation and though I may not be able to achieve or even percieve what or how, I know that my deep desire and persistance will soon pay off.

I have been reading Awaken to One and have stumbled upon a series he wrote about Understanding Belief. I was immedietly drawn to read the whole series, but near the conclusion of the first segment, I decided to dwell and meditate on his message. What I have taken from this is a new mantra that I will begin to explore in my meditation, "I accept the perfect manifestation of my art, with the perfect outlet, in the perfect way."

Stumbling but getting through

I wish I was inspired as I used to be and I know it will return. Now, however, I am going through a rough spot that it taking all of my energy to get through. Dealing with mood swings by the hour and minute even with my wonderful bi-polar medication is difficult, but the good times are as good as the bad times bad. I understand and feel blessed to be in this place in my life and to be with people who love me and support me through everything. To be able to learn these important lessons (most of which are still unclear to me) is wonderful and beautiful, regardless of the fact that it is quite hard to live through. All of your prayers are wonderful, and thank you!

Continuing in Boston

Good evening. I haven't posted in a while for various reasons. I really feel I need to be in the mood to write with any kind of clarity and I must stay that clarity is something I am striving to achieve. It has been almost 4 weeks since I up and left Virginia to start this new chapter in my life and I am enjoying it. It presents me with new challenges and new opportunities for success, at least on a personal level, that I would be completely oblivious of if I had stayed in the hell-hole that Virginia had become for me.

Today has been quite strange. I have been quite ill the past few days with what seems like a tough cold. However, with the new skills and new job I forced myself to work yesterday and today. The last thing I want to do is start skipping out on my responsibilities again. Work was fine, and I have plenty of reading material to accompany me through the various hours of the day and night. However, I miss the social joy that always brought me so much peace. I understand, however, that this time in my life needs to be devoted to my own self-growth and to do that I need to focus on ME.

Meditation has been difficult for me these past weeks since my mind is such a spinning mess, but I was able to effectively balance my chakras and meditate for about 12 minutes. I know this is almost no time and before I left Virginia I had been able to go 1 1/2 hours (still short, but I'm still beginning my journey of meditiation). I should be getting my ADHD meds soon though, so this will help.

I don't know if I said anything helpful in this blog, but it was nice to get some of this off my chest.

Love!

Dear readers, those who may happen upon my random blog,
I am in the process, regardless of the obvious fact that it is almost 3 in the morning, reading, no, rather devouring Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. A book which I always meant to read. Frankenstein was actually on my list of books to read. A couple of years ago I became fascinated with the origins of the famous fictional monsters of history. Bram Stoker's Dracula was my first endevour, and having an above average reading level, and the intense love and desire to read difficult literature, I loved every second of it. The differences that society, and especially cinema, have changed these monsters (whether making them "scarier" [usually by taking away the humanity so devoted in the originals] or humbling them to leave out some of the more gruesome details) entranced me and quickly moved to Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I must note here that my criticism of the media is not to be taken too greatly as I must admit I avidly enjoyed the 1992 film "Bram Stoker's Dracula" especially for it's attention to detail to the original novel (a lack of attention to movies inpsired by books being one of my worst pet peeves). I mostly refer to the popular depictions of said monsters. However, I babble. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was close to the most exciting work of fiction for such a short narrative (with Of Mice and Men coming in close second). However, soon after my finishing the latter novel, I became entranced with some other humor of the arts and nearly forgot my former passion.
While at Borders, I was unsuccessful in aquiring a book which fancied my current taste (which ranged from Zorro by Isabel Allende to Secrets in the Shadows by VC Andrews). However, as if by fate, I discovered a copy of Frankenstein lying on one of the "School Books" displays (my most avid source of classics) and immedietly was drawn to buy it. It had sat in my room awaiting my attention for almost a week when, while frustrated at my slowness in reading legitamite Spanish literature (in Spanish), I opened Mary Shelley's classic.
I am merely on Chapter 2 and I am already filled with such enthusiasm and pure splendor that I immediately had to reflect on my feelings,the history of one of the periods of my literary life an aftermath of excitement which I find fills my blogs regularly. However, all of this is mostly to express my own excitement as well as to excite the mind of any who care to listen and who may have a love of literature similar to my own.

After all of that, I am excited also to say that in a strange lull of today's enlightened state, I have written a poem. The seeming dark tone of the poem is one that, although not so revealed so far in this blog, is commonplace in most of my poetry. I wish to express to the audience of my poetry that my deepest wish is to distance myself from the terrible description of "angst". Depressing imagery or content to me is simply a mould through which my current mindset must sculpt my art. I believe, however, that with close inspection to this poem in specific, the overall tone becomes one of hope, not despair.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I am afraid to think.
Even now the looming ghostly shadows
of my mind prepare their assault.

To sleep, oh to sleep I must wrap my thoughts
(kindly at first, then insistant)
some desperate
some adventitious

And send them in a balloon

Till they reach those beautiful
edges of sight, sound, and attention
(that percieved humble abode of the Archangel Lucifer
O morning star, son of the dawn!)
which some nights yeild to bountiful dreams.

And in a dream the curtain of sanity may be lifted,
nay, must be lifted,
and the infinite expanse of the imagination,
symbolic, profound, and yet deeply confusing,

alights and sparks the unity and wholeness
fallen from heaven.
O Wisdom of my heart,
seek not death in the error of your life

I pray but this:
Let my life be a dream.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Note: This poem is brand new and even in the transcribing of the text went through various editing.